Srikandi Sunan

BEAUTIFUL BRISBANE

2010-07-29T04:47:00.000-07:00

HELLO BRISBANE

I just found a nice home 10 minutes walk from UQ. My housemates are all from different states of India, North, South and West of India and they speak only English and Hindi at home. They are all post-graduate students which means I can get great access in tutorials and they can help me a lot in my studies. Two of them are doing Master in Biotechnology and one of them is doing Microbiology.

Well, there are many Malaysians here but I prefer to stay alone without my Malay friend right now because I want to learn living in a home with non-Muslim. It's quite difficult at the first place. Well, let's see what happens in the future.

The End of The Journey

2010-05-26T05:42:00.000-07:00

After 2 years I spent in Seremban, lots of things I learn...
friendship, honesty, strength...
I wish I could turn back the clock and modify my diaries a little bit...
I just received conditional offer from university of melbourne..
Feeling a little bit nervous as I didn't do my very best in the final exam..

The hole inside me.

2010-02-14T18:51:00.000-08:00

EMPTINESS…
This is how I feel right now.

It’s been so long since I wrote my last entry.
All my family members go out to visit relatives and I’m the only one stay at home.

I just pretending to finish my tones of workloads, yes this case study needs lots of amendments so that it is beautifully readable for every business student.

I’ve been running from realities all this while and it keeps haunting me.
The pain is still here. There is nowhere to go. Nothing else matter.

As I contemplating his territory, I could feel the sense of……. how could I say this?
As if I can feel the same thing as his. We share many similar interests and I know he will become a great man.

With my black eyes acting like the eyes of the raven, staring at the distance a destination that I wish I could go.
I really wish that I could fix everything but what I can do?
I’m sorry.

2009-11-26T01:25:00.000-08:00

Thinking really hardly to plan all my scedules this holiday. Lots of comics, novels and movies have to finish. Langkawi trip is on the way. Tonnes of unfinish workloads and assessment are waiting for me..

This should be the last holiday for IB.

LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST

2009-11-07T08:24:00.000-08:00

I had many nightmares lately. It was too unbearable when you dreamt of your upcoming death for so many times. It was too painful when there were so many people pressed your chest to make you unable to breathe. You just want to scream out loud so that there will be a knight of the shining armor come and rescue you. But it was hopeless because your voice is unheard of. To make things worse, there was someone who cut your throat slowly to make you suffer so badly.

What does that dream means? Sometimes, I feel so sick of this life and I just want to run away from everyone and live in an isolated island. I just want to enjoy the pleasure of solitary. Nobody will misjudge me. Nobody will care about me. Real life is much bitter pill to swallow than reel life.

But, it seems so selfish if I do like that. I love my family. I love my kith and kin. I love my friends. The most important love that I must consider is my love towards my deen; my faith and of course my God. Yes, it is indeed sometimes our eimaan fluctuates very rapidly and we are unable to control it. That’s why we have to seek for hidayah; the light from Allah by reading Koran; the words of God. Koran(Al Quran) is in fact the basic reference for every Muslim. However, why there are so many Muslim out there don’t refer to Koran before doing everything? They are so careless in handling their responsibilities as khalifah. They are too weak to fight and jihad for Islam.

My nightmares seem to warn me to live my life to the fullest before it was too late. That’s why I want to learn many skills that I used to neglect before. After I master a little bit about tennis, I want to developed my swimming skill although I’m too afraid to be close to river and even swimming pool because I almost get drown for three times when I was a little girl.

Everything that not include zikrullah, are lagha except the love between husband and wife, teach people to ride a horse, swim and archery-Bukhari and Muslim.

You have to love yourself to the fullest in order to make people love you for who you are and if you want people to respect you, you have to respect yourself first by making yourself presentable.

CINTA

2009-10-12T03:27:00.000-07:00

Sekiranya kita cinta kepada manusia,
Tak semestinya manusia cinta kepada kita,
Tetapi sekiranya kita cinta kepada Allah,
Nescaya cinta Allah tiada penghujungnya.

Sekiranya kita cinta kepada manusia,
Kita akan cemburu kepada orang yang mencintai
Orang yang kita cintai,
Tetapi sekiranya kita cinta kepada Allah,
Kita akan turut mencintai orang yang
Melabuhkan cintanya kepada Allah jua.

Ya Allah,
Andai dia adalah jodoh yang ditetapkan oleh-Mu kepadaku,
Maka campakkanlah ke dalam hatiku,
Cinta kepadanya adalah kerana-Mu,
Dan campakkanlah ke dalam hatinya,
Cinta kepadaku adalah kerana-Mu.

Namun,
Andainya dia bukanlah jodoh yang
Ditetapkan oleh-Mu kepadaku,
Berilahku kekuatan agar pasrah dalam mengharungi ujian,
Yang Kau berikan kepadaku.

Sajak untuk bakal suami oleh Aminah Qutb, adik perempuan Syed Qutb yang mati di tali gantung akibat ketajaman pena.

Setelah membaca novel Tautan Hati dan Pemilk Cintaku Setelah Allah dan Rasul karya Fatimah Syarha Mohd Nordin, aku memandang CINTA dalam satu perkpektif dan dimensi yang sangat berbeza dari sebelumnya. Aku bersyukur bahawa aku ditakdirkan mempunyai hati yang sangat keras untuk menerima cinta dari seorang insan bernama lelaki. Memang aku merupakan seorang gadis yang fanatik membaca novel yang ada sedikit berbaur cinta, terutamanya karya Ramlee Awang Murshid dan Norhayati Berahim, namun melalui pembacaan novel-novel mereka, aku tidak hanyut dalam gelombang cinta yang diterapkan, tetapi pengajaran dan ilmu yang terselit dalam novel-novel tersebut sangat mengujakan hatiku yang sangat dahagakan ilmu ini.

“Ada apa dengan cinta?”
Melalui alam remaja yang penuh dengan ujian ini, tanpa disangka-sangka aku tersungkur seketika dalam kerinduan kepada seorang lelaki yang tidak halal bagiku. Entah bagaimana perasaan itu tumbuh dan membesar sedikit demi sedikit dalam hati ini. Melalui pemerhatianku, si dia nampaknya menunjukkan respons yang positif. Namun, aku seringkali melarikan diri daripadanya. Perasaan malu anugerah Allah ini membaluti seluruh jasadku. Tanpa sebarang senyuman dan tanpa sebarang teguran aku pamerkan setiap kali bertembung dengannya. Seolah-olah kami tidak pernah berkenalan walaupun kami ditakdirkan pernah menjadi satu kumpulan di kolej.

Aku menjadi semakin benci (kadangkala bertukar sayang) kepada perasaan yang tumbuh ini walaupun ia adalah fitrah kerana perasaan ini mengangguku dalam beribadah. Astaghfirullah. Lantas Al-Quran kuambil untuk istikharah. Setelah membaca Ummul Furqan dan doa istikharah Al-Quran, aku membaca selawat sebelas kali dan pada masa yang sama jua aku selitkan lipatan kertas yang kecil yang tertulis perkataan Basmallah dan namaku dalam celahan Al-Quran mengikut gerak hati.
Masya-Allah. Jawapannya positif. Perhubungan ini deredai Allah dan cita-citaku jua akan termakbul. Mengalir air mataku tanda terharu menerima petunjuk dari Allah ini. Aku juga kerap bertemunya di dalam mimpi dan semuanya mimpi yang baik dan indah belaka. Bunga-bunga cinta semakin mekar di hati.
Kadangkala perasaan gembira ini tidak dapat dikawal sehingga aku terlupa impian dan amanah yang perlu aku tunaikan kepada agamaku dan keluargaku. Astaghfirullah. Lantas air mata penyesalan membasahi wajah. Ya Allah, aku tersungkur. Ampunkanlah daku.
“Ya Allah, kalau Kau rahmati hubungan kami ini, Kau dekatilah kami dengan cara yang baik. Jika hubungan ini membawa kepada keburukan, jauhilah kami dengan cara yang baik jua.” Doa ini kuamalkan semasa tempoh seminggu istikharah.
Kemudian, setelah aku rasakan aku tidak dapat menanggung lagi perasaan ini, aku mulakan dengan doa yang baru.
“ Ya Allah, Kau matikanlah perasaanku ini kepadanya dan kau jauhilah aku dari kemaksiatan hati.”
Pemilik cintaku setelah Allah dan Rasul ialah ibuku, ibuku dan ibuku…

Mengemis Kasih
Album : Secercah Pewarna
Munsyid : The Zikr
http://liriknasyid. com

Tuhan dulu pernah aku menagih simpati
Kepada manusia yang alpa jua buta
Lallu terheretlah aku dilorong gelisah
Luka hati yang berdarah kini jadi parah

Semalam sudah sampai kepenghujungnya
Kisah seribu duka ku harap sudah berlalu
Tak ingin lagi kuulangi kembali
Gerak dosa menhiris hati

Tuhdan dosaku menggunung
Taki rahmat-Mu melangit luas
Harga selautan syukurku
Hanyalah setitis nikmat-Mu di bumi

Tuhan walau taubat sering kumungkir
Namun pengampunan- Mu tak pernah bertepi
Bila selangkah kurapat pada-Mu
Seribu langkah Kau rapat padaKu

FORGIVE & FORGET

2009-10-10T12:30:00.001-07:00

Sometimes, people tend to underestimate our potential due to our age. As the saying goes, size doesn’t matter. Thus, it works similar with age too. Off course, we as the youngsters have to pay our respects to the elders especially our parents, aunts, uncles and teachers as well. However, elders indeed do mistakes too. It doesn’t mean that we, as youngsters always be the one who should be blamed on due to our lack of experiences compared to the elders.

One day, during class my lecturer hit my friend’s head unexpectedly. I sit beside her but when the accident was happened, I was trying to focus on my reading. I thought that the lecturer only hit her on the shoulder and I thought it was okay because the lecturer was actually wanted to make her regain consciousness from her ‘sleeping habit’ during classes. She seemed to back herself up but I thought that it was quite impolite because she talked like that to the senior lecturer whose her age was nearly half a decade.

After class, we had a tete-a-tete on the way back to female hostel.

“Ainna, do you think that I’m wrong?”
“What are you trying to say?”
“She hit my head. I feel so ashamed with all our classmates.”
“What, she hit your head!”
“Yeah. I’m not sleepy at all. I just feeling a little bit of tiredness.”
“Sorry, I thought that she only hit your shoulder. Me, myself will piss off if anyone hit my head. Head is the most sensitive part you know..bla bla..but what can we do? I hope you just can forgive her because she is older than our mum, though. No one is perfect. ”

Elders have to show good morale to the youngsters because the youngsters will absorb their behavior. They also have to be friendly but at the same time maintain their respectability.

I still remember a true story about a girl and her big-headed-woman-who-love-to-belittle-everyone neighbor. The woman used to say negative things on the girl’s mum. The girl’s hatred towards the woman grew as the time passes by. When the woman gets older, she eventually repents and seeks forgiveness from the girl’s mum. Her kind hearted mum does forgive her. Nevertheless, the girl who is now a young lady reluctant to forget what has the woman did to her family. It really needs such an elephantine effort to just erase the black memory that the woman had smashed in her life. One Friday night, the young lady watched a very heart-rending Korean movie entitled A Moment to Remember. One phrase from the movie that really struck to her rigid heart is ‘When you forgive someone, it’s mean that there is another empty space in your heart to love and be loved by someone who has made the door of your heart closed before.’ At the end of the story, the young lady goes to her neighbor’s home and forgives her. She really learns that at that moment, the most important things to do are living and loving.

Well, it is really though indeed to forgive someone. However, when you are successfully forgiving someone, you can actually feel what love is already about. Love is the most amazing gift by Allah to who is always prioritizes the love towards Him.

BERSYUKUR

2009-09-23T02:38:00.000-07:00

Aku melihat wajah di cermin..

wajahku setelah sembilan belas tahun menghirup udara di bumi ALLAH ini..
adakah penuh dengan dosa dan noda atau penuh dengan pahala?
Ah, JERAWAT!!!!

adakah aku harus bersyukur dengan kurniaan JERAWAT ini? bagi orang yang OBESITY, adakah mereka hanya tahu bercakap,

" Bersyukurlah atas segala kurniaan tuhan"..

Sejauh mana konsep bersyukur dalam islam?

Kalau ada JERAWAT, bukankah pengorbanan harus dilakukan:
1. jangan makan ayam dan seafood (Ah. TIDAK!!!!)
2. basuh muka lebih 3 x sehari (wuduk 5 x daa)
3. jogging selalu ( sempat ke?)
4. pakai OXY tiap2 malam sebelum tidur (guna wuduk lagi bagus)

Kalau GEMUK, semua orang tahu kena:
1. jogging setiap hari
2. makan nasi 2 sudu sahaja (BOLEH ke?)
3. jangan makan makanan bergoreng
4. dll seperti yg anda sendiri sudah maklum..

Imam Shafie berkata,

" Makan banyak hanya memBERATkan badan, meNUMPULkan minda, memBEKUkan hati".

Manusia sememangnya tidak tahu bersyukur. Namun, setiap kekurangan diri, jangan SALAHKAN tuhan atau jangan hanya tahu BERSYUKUR sahaja..Sebaliknya, cuba untuk memperbaiki kelemahan diri..Kerana celakalah manusia yang hari ini lebih teruk dari semalam..

HATI SUCI MATI

2009-09-10T23:05:00.000-07:00

Ilham kasih melayang

dari pintu langit

Menjunam ke lubuk hati suci,

Sakit, pedih menahan perasaan...

Terkunci mati dalam

ikatan belenggu

yang memakan jiwa insani....

Bibir tersenyum,

Mata berkaca,

Hati kecewa.

Pusara rindu dilawati,

Menyingkap kenangan,

Menelan keresahan,

Menguji kesabaran...

Langkah kaki laju menapak,

Menjauhi realiti diri,

Tersungkur di pertengahan jalan,

Terluka lagi...

Sampai bila kudrat mampu bertahan,

Kaca-kaca berselerakan,

Yang dahulu dianggap permata,

Mengaburi pandangan mata hati..

Lalu hanya doa kudus,

yang dapat dititipkan,

bagi menghidupkan,

hati suci yang mati....

Srikandi Sunan: Aku Darah Anak Malaysia (Proud Malaysian)

2009-09-05T17:25:00.000-07:00

MELAYU. If I were given a chance to choose my race before I was born, do I ever choose Malay as my preference? Honestly, even though my face looks like pure Malay, sometimes I feel dissatisfied and heartbreaking with my own race. Actually, there is nothing I can be impressed about Malay. Malay is synonym with lazy, unpunctual, like to stab on the friend’s back etc. Even my eldest sister had an argument with me. She commented that I always speaking in English. She said in Malay Language, “ Ainna, do you know that you are Malay? Why you seem to be proud of speaking English with that thick accent? You should be proud to be a Malay!

I feel so indulge with anger. When I took a quiz on facebook to calculate my degree of malayness, I got 100%. Off course I’m very proud of it. Does she know that I love my race so much! I answered my sister’s comment with a harsh tone. “Don’t ever judge me like that sis. I just speak English because I want to improve my English although it seems so grammatically broken. Sis, I always get A1 for my Malay Language and I love to read Malay novels. You’ve got to be kidding me when you say that I’m not proud to be Malay. Even my Chinese and Indian friend’s said that I’m a pure nice Malay girl.”

I don’t know why many Malay today are so proud to be influenced by all the negative side of western people. It can be seen clearly on how they speak and how they get on with the western’s lifestyle. Although I hate watching many of the Hollywood-made movies, academically the western people are more open minded and willing to improve us for the better. No wonder thousands of Malaysian who lived overseas don’t wants to back home. I feel so sad. We suffered from a brain drain.

When I reflected back on their reasons, I felt quite taken aback. They said it was because of Malaysian’s third world mentality. Yes, we can see clearly on how the Malaysian takes care on the public toilet and the habit of Malaysian who love to litter around.

I love to hear a talk from a muallim from Syria who used to come to my college and he said “ Malaysia Boleh….with Islam”. So, here I am, I want to invite all my Malay friends to refresh back what is our responsibility to live on this world. We are the caliph who sent to the world to practice amar makruf nahi mungkar. So, wake up Muslims!